When I first heard Zombieland was returning I was hit with a mix of emotions. Everybody who played in the movie is having no problems finding work so who are they going to get? Also what is the premise? With the help of Amazon.com through amazon prime’s steaming network, Zombieland made its debut to the small screen on April 19th, 2013. If you were as big of a fan of the movie as I was then you should be excited for this show. Sadly this was not the case. I wanted to like this show so much it fucking hurt but like my girlfriend after sex I was left disappointed and confused. When it comes to my opinions we all know the list is my go to. Now I’ll share with you the top reasons this show sucks ass.
1. A Piss Poor Woody Replacement
We know we weren’t getting Woody Harrelson, but Kirk Ward looks more like Larry Joe Campbell from According to Jim then Woody. A horrible choice for the bad ass Tallahassee. It wouldn’t have been as bad if the character actually came across as a bad ass.
2. Miss The Mark Jokes
The jokes are terrible. At one point a counter appears on the screen for however many times Tallahassee says or references vagina. At one point I even pictured the character not saying his lines but looking me directly in the eyes and saying “laugh.”
The story line is stale. Okay so I can admit where do you go with the story after the events of the 2009 movie? I got nothing but I’m also not a tv writer. Basically they are looking for more survivors and are going to try to head to a safe haven they have found on the east coast. With the help of their sassy on star lady Detroit they try to track down survivors to take with them on their journey. The twist is because they are so self involved they end up letting every person they meet die.
This has to be a first for me a top 3 list. That is how bad this show is I couldn’t even find one good thing to add to this list. I haven’t wanted 28 minutes back in my life so bad since that time I found out you pay for every song during a lap dance. Zombieland needs to stick to the big screen. Maybe the rest of the season will pan out better, but it’s not looking good.