Turkish Star Wars (1982) Movie Review

turkishswposter

For those of you who may not know, I write movie/book reviews for several websites so I’ve been privy to many, many, MANY terrible works out there. But one day, as I discussed movies with my friend, Lana, she told me about this little slice of awfulness that I could in no way pass up viewing. And so I present you with Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who Saves the World) but I’ll explain in a bit why it’s called the Turkish Star Wars. 

This is an action film about the Earth and how in a few thousand years, its inhabitants have fractured into two schools: those who’ve embraced technology and those that have reverted to primitive ways. Unfortunately, Earth is destroyed in a nuclear war. Bits of our planet float about the universe like so much galaxy garbage.

But we are not alone. Many other planets exist out there and some of them are filled with very bad guys. And before the Earth exploded, once such villain, Darth Va…I mean, The Magician, set his sights on our planet. Fortunately, humans were able to create a force field, purely with their minds and will, that was impenetrable by any force. You know, until we blew ourselves up.

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HULK SMASH!

Now the last vestiges of humanity on an asteroid sized chunk of Earth are being terrorized by The Magician. He figures if he can get his hands on just the right human brain, he can take over the planet. I think. Honestly there was so much exposition and narration going on that I kinda got lost.

In the fight against our enemies, two of the best Turkish fighters (Murak and Ali) join in but mysteriously disappear during a skirmish. They end up on the floating Earth turd and join forces with the inhabitants in their war against the Magician. Apparently there is some kind of super brain and bronze sword that, when combined, can defeat The Magician (I just don’t know). And despite the Magician’s efforts to get our heroes to join The Darkside…I mean, the land of darkness, secrets, and infinity, Murak and Ali defeat him with their joined will and save the world. Or at least what’s left of it.

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With my Cylons, I am ruler of all I survey in this Black Hole of space…I mean, I AM THE MAGICIAN! I am TOTALLY original.

I can’t even.

Let’s address the 500 pound gorilla first. The reason this is called the Turkish Star Wars is that the beginning of the film, and some final fight stuff with The Magician, contain straight up stolen battle footage from Star Wars, complete with the Death Star, TIE fighters, Stormtroopers, X-Wing Starfighters, Millennium Falcon, the destruction of Alderaan, and more.

As for the story, costumes, and characters, they are clearly based on other films: Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Flash Gordon, Forbidden Planet, and probably every other space sci-fi action trope out there. I mean, there’s a scene where the two Turkish heroes go into a cantina, filled with weird creatures, and there’s a band playing. Wow. Justwow.

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Gossamer was no match for Bugs Bunny’s alter ego.

The music was also ripped off from several films: Star Wars, Raiders of the Los Ark, Phantom of the Opera. The training montages, complete with Murak kicking large rocks into the side of a hill where they EXPLODED, were particularly fond of Indiana Jones.

Speaking of training, all those montages paid off in the multitude of fight scenes between our heroes and the creatures of The Magician. Basically a bunch of guys in giant furry costumes, or mummy wrappings, or cheap rubber masks, or left over Gladiator Halloween costumes. I’m not exactly sure how Turkish people really fight but in this flick, our heroes are such skilled and mighty warriors that they can take town an entire garrison of soldiers on horseback who wield giant spears by jumping around like howler monkeys. They can also karate chop ANYTHING – boulders, limbs from bodies, torsos in half. And once he separates an enemy from his arm, Murak likes to kick him in the balls.

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They played the Monster Mash!

This movie was a flop when it was released and I’m not surprised. Editing is disastrous, which is a common problem when you’re stealing footage from another film (you just go ahead and live the dream, Turkish copyright violating ‘filmmakers’); acting is so lackadaisical as to be coma inducing; writing is lazy (and stolen). Every minute of every scene gave me diarrhea AND constipation. 

All of that said, this movie is HILARIOUS to watch, which is made funnier by the fact that it’s not a comedy. Someone was kind enough to put English subtitles on the film so those of us who don’t speak Turkish can watch and enjoy. If you are a fan of the “so bad it’s good” school of films, you MUST head over to YouTube and watch immediately.

 

 

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