In one of my early articles here at the SJP I discussed my thoughts on the sexiest heroes and villains of horror tv and film. I perchance hinted at working on a list of the fairer sex in the same categories so I finally decided to do it. (Okay, uber feminists, stop calling for my head on a pike. Calm your tits already.)
As with the original article, these are just my particular ideas on the Double-X chromosomes out there that kick ass and make me think about playing for the other team. In no particular order I offer you the following:
Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in “Alien”. I’m sure the majority of readers here don’t need me to explain this one. But for those of you who’ve just reneged on your Jesus vows and left the convent to rejoin us heathens, Ellen Ripley is the ultimate final girl. After the rest of her crew is decimated by an acid bleeding monstrous xenomorph, Ripley outsmarts the creature and kills its 8-foot tall, um, alien word for patootie. And she did this all IN SPACE. Now I am not part of the Naked Equals Sexy school of thought, however, I appreciate the scantily clad Ripley as she slips into her space suit before the final showdown.
Kristy Swanson as Buffy Summers in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. I’m actually having trouble choosing between the film and television versions. I love both but I think for this list I need to give a shout out to the OG Buffy, Kristy Swanson. Buffy is a part of a long line of vampire slayers. Once her legacy has been awakened, she, like, totally kills every nasty blood sucker she encounters. Even the Master falls to her hunting prowess, though it could have been the cheerleader outfit or her keen fashion sense.
Milla Jovovich as Alice in the “Resident Evil” franchise. Ah, Milla Jovovich. Not many actresses can play God’s biggest fan girl in Joan of Arc AND Alice, the former Umbrella Corp employee who’s been subjected to their viral manipulations which turns her into the most kick-ass ass kicker. The best is when she’s servicing justice right up Umbrella’s ass in her black vinyl cat suit. *rowr* Seriously, have you ever looked at this woman? For her eyes ALONE it’s worth switching sides.
Julianna Margulies as Epps in “Ghost Ship”. Not only do I like the premise of Ghost Ship (salvage crew happens upon a derelict liner only to find all who perished are haunting the ship) but the character of Epps is smart, tough, independent, and gorgeous. She can do everything the men can do, and then some – especially since one resident ghost communicates with her to warn her of the impending danger. And let’s take a moment to talk about her ebony tresses. So jelly!
Kate Beckinsale as Selene in “Underworld”. Vampire and werewolves have been in a blood feud for centuries. Selene is a Death Dealer for the vampires. In her quest to see every last werewolf wiped off the face of the earth, she encounters Michael, a human the wolves have been searching for though she knows not why. Doesn’t matter because they fall in love. Daaawwww. Not only is Selene a vampire (my favorite) and awesome at killing things, she is super sexy in the vinyl cat suit, or the corset and leather pants, or anything she damn well pleases.
Virginia Madsen as Helen Lyle in “Candyman”. What can I say about Virginia? I’ve loved her since I saw her in the film “Fire with Fire” (look it up). She’s beautiful and talented and in her role as Helen, she is probably the most flawed on my list. In researching urban legends for her grad school work, she accidentally summons the Candyman, who then kills a bunch of people – so it’s basically her fault. But don’t worry. She does her best to make amends, even at the cost of her own life.
Eliza Dushku as Jessie Burlingame in “Wrong Turn”. After getting a break up voice mail from her douchebag BF, Jessie’s friends try to cheer her up by taking her on a camping/backwoods adventure. They picked the wrong woods, though, because they are all attacked by inbred cannibalistic mountain men. Eliza is so stunning, not just physically but in her manner of survival. She’s tough, though definitely scared shitless, but does what she has to do to live.
Dunai Gurira as Michonne in “The Walking Dead”. There are a lot of tough, smart women in TWD though Michonne has become my favorite (for many people, I imagine). We first meet her and she’s pretty fucking broken. In a way that has made her the perfect survivalist. But as the series progresses, and she learns that hope and life are still possible, she lets down the walls she’s built and her humanity shines through. We get to see the beauty behind the warrior. Her smile and flawless skin just make me wanna…well, never mind but it involves whipped cream.
Kathleen Quinlan as Helen Foley in “Twilight Zone: The Movie”. This may seem like an odd choice but hear me out. Helen is searching for something but she doesn’t know what until she stumbles upon Anthony, a very special and powerful little boy. While he wreaks deadly havoc, she’s able to remain calm and agree to stay with him, to teach him to control those awful powers. She sweet, pretty, and looks like a fresh-faced kindergarten teacher. But her ability to find an inner strength and see the silver lining in the most horrifying situation makes her sexy as hell!
Jessica Chastain as Annabel in “Mama”. Annabel’s boyfriend has been told the two little nieces he thought were dead are very much alive. They’ve been living on their own for several years but he and Annabel agree to bring them home, raising them as their own. Unfortunately, the girls come with Mama, the ghost of a mentally unstable woman. Jessica is this tough, gritty, rock and roll chick who isn’t really prepared for parenthood. But her motherly instinct kicks in and she’ll do anything to protect these kids. And I’ll admit something personal here. I have a thing for cleft chins (probably because my dad had one – it’s an Oedipal thing) and on a woman who’s as sexy and gorgeous as Jessica? Did…did it just get warm in here?
Rachel Miner as Meg Masters in “Supernatural”. I’m talking about the second incarnation of Meg here. The dark-haired meat suit Meg uses for her second trip out of Hell is awesome. I think her snark factor is a lot higher and she’s got that devilish little twinkle in her eye all the time, usually when something bad is about to happen. To someone else. She’s a great demon, even when she’s on the side of good – which is usually when it suits her purposes. But can I just say her hot hot hot kiss with Castiel is, well, it’s HOT!
Deborah Duchene as Janette in “Forever Knight”. The sultry vampire, owner of a bar called The Raven, is played beautifully by Deborah. Her centuries of life have given her the power to overcome her weak terrified beginnings to become a powerful, seductive, sometimes ruthless vampire. Though she can take the higher ground from time to time, her instinct usually tells her to do what she deems necessary to survive. Like any good vampire! And I adore the way she says Nicolas’ name – Neecolah. *sigh*
Linnea Quigley as Suzanne in “Night of the Demons”. This version of Linnea’s over sexed quirky character didn’t start out as a villain. Just a skank. But once she and her party pals enter a haunted abandoned funeral home for a Halloween party (why else would you go in one?), she’s taken over by the resident demon and proceeds to wreak havoc on the party goers. But not before having sex with one and doing a disturbingly erotic trick with a tube of lipstick.
Lesley-Ann Brandt as Mazikeen in “Lucifer”. This little Satan’s helper is new on the scene (to me at least). Leslie-Ann plays Maze, a demon ally to Lucifer who’s decided to take a vacation from Hell. She’s the bartender at Lucy’s establishment but she’s so much more than that. Protector, assistant, muscle, and she’ll kick anyone’s ass who says different or disses Satan in any way. She’s very likable, though, probably because she’s lethal, brooks no shit, AND totally fucking gorgeous!
Katherine Isabelle as Ginger in the “Ginger Snaps” Franchise. Another character that doesn’t start out as evil but due to unfortunate circumstances, lovely Ginger becomes a werewolf. Despite her rather mousey beginnings, Ginger accepts the animalistic prowess that takes over. Her sensuality and sexuality become her weapons of choice to catch her food – i.e. people. Katherine slips into this character as easily as many of us breathe.
Amanda Donohoe as Lady Sylvia in “Lair of the White Worm”. A slightly different kind of vampire, Lady Sylvia is a vamp that worships a snake god that was trapped in a nearby cave and wants to release it into our world. She works her way through the local townspeople, killing, turning, and seducing, until she gets what she wants. Did I mention that she’s naked or mostly naked throughout the film? Yeah, it’s awesome.
Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in “Dusk before Dawn”. Yes, it’s another vampire. Calm down. But you can’t blame me for this one, right? At a random stripper bar in the middle of nowhere Mexico, a duo of murdering thieves and their hostages meet their doom at the hand (or fangs) of a gang of vampires. Santanico is the main show and she makes one of the most memorable entrances. Evah. She IS sensuality. Look it up in the dictionary – there’s a picture of her from this film. *swoon*
Nurses from “Silent Hill”. Okay, yes, these started out as video game characters and weren’t really all that appealing. But once the live action film came out, holy shnikies did they find some hot bodied ladies! Short tight uniforms gave us a glimpse of some great cleavage, fantastic legs, and awesome booties. They’re a bit limited in their actions as they only attack when they sense movement but watch out once those knives and scalpels and hatchets start swinging! Just try not to be mesmerized by their boobs like a deer caught in headlights. Pun intended.
Alice Krige as Mary Brady in “Sleepwalkers”. Mother and son move to a new town. No one knows that they are all that possibly remain of a supernatural species that need virgin blood to survive. Her incestuous activities aside (what else would YOU do if the only available male is your son?), Alice plays a beautiful loving mother and charming hostess, showing the young virgin that’s entered her son’s life all that’s genteel and lovely. But if anyone crosses her or hurts her boy, look out because your ass will be dead with one flick of her wrist. Even being on fire, literally and not just in the looks department, doesn’t slow her down too much!
’58 Plymouth Fury as Christine in “Christine”. The lines, those curves, the slick red coloring that looks like juicy cherries. Sun glinting off the polished chrome, that giant trunk, and can we just talk about those fins?? She might be a car but Christine is one glorious example of a Femme Fatale. This haunted car possesses new owner, Arnie, into going from nerd to neurotic psycho. She’s got a mind of her own, this beauty, and she uses Arnie – or just her own power – to get what she wants.
HEROINE/VILLAIN HONORABLE MENTION
As in my male centric article on this topic, I gave an honorable mention to the one actor that can be sexy while both good and bad. And Adrienne Barbeau is the female equivalent. Whether she’s a loving mother trying to get her son to safety or the overbearing, blowhard, drunk wife of a meek university professor, Adrienne has amazing range. She’s engaging and relatable, talented, gorgeous, and a joy to watch. Joe Bob Briggs always mentions her ‘two amazing talents’ – and yes, she has a GREAT rack – but everything about her is awesome.