*weeps into my Cheerios* Why? Whhhyyyyyyyyyy?
Day four brings us Initiation: Silent Night Deadly Night 4, a film which has ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CONNECTION TO THE FIRST THREE SAVE FOR A QUICK CLIP FROM #3 WHILE A CHARACTER WATCHES TV.
Basically the fourth movie in the series is all about girl power, witchcraft, and how useless men are except to be parasites to the goddess within all women.
Fucking weak. Well, at least the writers didn’t make them Satan worshippers. That’s something. Not much but it’s something.
Let’s break down the plot. Kim works at a newspaper but because she’s just a woman she doesn’t get to work on any big stuff. Well, she says fuck that and decides to get the scoop on the flaming woman who recently committed suicide. When she starts interviewing the locals about it, she meets Fima, the bookstore owner who is suspicious as fuck if you ask me. Which no one did. Moving on.
Kim keeps getting drugged by Fima and her female coven…I mean colleagues. I’m not sure why they feel the need for Kim to join their group other than she’s a chick and they don’t want her to continue being held down by The Man. Because boys are yucky and have cooties and are totally useless.
Eventually they get Kim into a ritual to manifest her fears so she can expel them or something by drugging her (again) and putting a giant bug larvae in her stomach which she can vomit out later. Now that she’s in the club, she has to kill someone to feed her fears (what the fuck are they even TALKING about?) or she’ll burn up, just like the chick in the beginning who jumped off the roof. Why not kill the 12-year-old brother of your murdered boyfriend? That’ll work!
Kim doesn’t do it. THE END.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK JUST HAPPENED??
I don’t even understand why this movie is part of the Silent Night series. It has absolutely nothing to do with the other films, characters, or continuing story line. It’s not even in the general arena of similar themes. It’s on a completely different world in a completely different galaxy in a completely different dimension.
Yes, I love that former Bond girl, Maude Adams, is in this as Fima. Yes, I love that Clint Howard plays the creepy homeless guy, Ricky, who helps out the witches from time to time (seems like all men AREN’T completely useless, eh ladies?). Even Reggie Banister, the misogynistic newspaper boss, and Allyce Beasely, Kim’s coworker, are fun to watch in their minor roles. But overall this entire movie is someone’s tripping on acid excuse to jerk off to surrealistic imagery of half-naked women and giant cockroaches covered in KY jelly.
4 Middle Fingers to the Eye (out of 5)