I woke up this morning feeling sluggish and slightly hung over from one, or maybe even five drinks too many last night. I was cold from leaving my window open all night, and my mouth was drier then the bottom of the bottles I knocked down the night before. This is nothing new. I’ve been here before. you might even say that I have a permanent address at this feeling when it comes to my weekends.Instead of moving to the kitchen to start chugging that much-needed pot of coffee and downing the two Tylenol extra strengths, I decided to pop in a DVD copy of “KillBillies” which hails from the country of Slovenia. (Where’s Slovenia? I’m not quite sure, and at the moment, I don’t really feel like research).The cover of the DVD seemed promising, displaying a man with a disfigured face and a knife dripping with blood. The tag line promised me that “The hills are alive with the sound of slaughter” and it sounded intriguing, but being a fan of horror and other Similar genres, I’ve been fooled before.
The movie opens up in a dark, scummy looking bar (not unlike the one I was at last night) and we,as the audience, are introduced to 4 women, a blonde, a punk rocker, a black-haired model, and a girl with orange hair, all beautiful in their own way. These girls are wasting no time at trying to get to the bottom of their cigarette packs, as they quickly light up one after another, chasing each shot of liquor with another cigarette as they make jokes at one another and banter on about their personal lives.I’ve sat with these girls before, wasted off whiskey and although physically present, mentally feeling alone as I don’t really know what they are saying. selective hearing? I think that’s what it’s called, or maybe it’s the disconnect I’m feeling from the large hangover and the fact that I have to read sub titles because this movie isn’t in English. Either way, I move on.
Five minutes into the movie and you are given the chance to see that these girls, if not just the “black-haired model,” can take care of themselves. Defending herself from a drunk sexual predator in the restroom with a swift knee to the groin, when he asks her if “she wiped it off well” and if she “wants some dick.” She rejoins her friends and they leave the bar. (This entire opening scene is to show you as the audience that black-haired model chick is not one to be fucked with.. at least that’s the point I think they’re trying to make.)
Opening credits roll in front of images seen in human anatomy books, and I find out that the original title is actually “Idila” ( a much better title than the aforementioned, “killbillies” but I can understand the marketing ploy around it. Americans are much more likely to grab the title “killbillies” then a word they don’t quite understand, plus with the title killbillies you kinda know what you are getting into, and that’s what we as Americans need.. we need to be spoon fed our movies instead of being surprised and taking a chance on titles like “Idila.” Sorry that’s a rant for a different time).After the opening title sequence, We join the black-haired model as she enters an apartment to meet up with another model (we shall call her “blondie”)and a photographer. (It’s unfortunate because I would much rather have the girls from the bar be the supporting cast instead of only making an appearance in the opening scene but what are ya gonna do?) we are to believe that the black-haired model from the bar is not excited about the shoot, and may even be second guessing her career choices.
Cut to them traveling in a yellow SUV across a beautiful road in the mountains. They quickly come across two people sitting at a table on the side of the road. A woman and a boy with an accordion, even if this wasn’t a horror movie I’d be frightened by these too.The photographer pulls over letting his passengers know that he needs to purchase some homemade liquor for his father.I know. I don’t get it either.Maybe this is normal and routine in the country of Slovenia? Maybe buying liquor from a dirty old woman and a boy who looks like he was taken straight out of “Gummo” is better than the local party store. Maybe this is where you get the good stuff? Either way, I don’t know and neither does the photographer as his request is denied by the woman with a serious unnerving and eerie cackle.
They come to a clearing in the mountains where they decide to set up for their shoot. BHM (black-haired model) seems annoyed with Blondies “better than everyone else attitude” and frankly so am I. I’ve only known this character for a few minutes, but I am already imagining the different ways she could be horribly mutilated or dismembered, and I haven’t even been introduced to the villain(s) yet! BHM takes a walk to smoke a cigarette and we are given the sense that something is in the woods watching them.
20 or so minutes in and my hangover seems to be going away. Well at least the headache part, I still feel sluggish and will most likely not leave my bed today. Thank you God, Mohammad or Cthulhu, whichever one of you exists for the creation that is Tylenol extra strength.
Upon returning from her walk, BHM, Blondie and the Photographer are joined by what I can only assume is the models agent, a blonde woman, who seems to be there to meet the demands and needs of the model I have been calling Blondie. As the photo shoot begins, we are then introduced to the “killbillies” and holy shit are they glorious. Walking at a brisk pace over the hillside, straight towards our city slicker friends are two men with disfigured faces, covered in scars. One wielding an axe and the other with his hands down his pants clutching what I can only imagine is his penis.
Hopefully this is where the fun begins.
One of the two killbillies starts an argument over the property of the land with the photographer as the other one ( who reminds me of that one kid from the movies “the new guy” or “hustle and flow” oh wait.. he’s also in that tv show “z-nation” but it’s not him anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter) gropes and grabs at the two blondes. BHM decides to speak up and insults the two men, right when one of the killbillies smashes the blunt end of an axe into the photographers face, knocking him out cold and the screen goes black.
Now when the next scene comes up, the photographer wakes up with the three girls in a dark and wet dungeon type area. (I am to believe that these two disfigured mountain men were able to control three grown woman and carry/drag the photographer back into a dungeon without someone getting away? Hmm.. I don’t know about that.. either way I must move on. ). What happens next is a quick and bloody assault on two of the prisoners when the two killbillies show back up inside the dungeon. (Not extremely gorey in any sense but effective as one of the killbillies smashes the head of the photographer into the brick wall). The next scene is one that deals with a form of torture mixed with a bunch of close-ups of pots,tubes and smoke. (I wanted to pause the movie and find my copy of “Nine Inch Nails- the downward spiral” and start playing it because this scene almost looks like it’s completely ripped off from a Trent Reznor music video).
I don’t quite understand how it works but I am enjoying this movie. It’s almost like if you were to take “Americas Next Top Model,” throw in some of the weirdos from “The Hills Have Eyes” (or even “Wrong Turn”) and throw all that into a blender with idk, maybe two or three episodes of “Moonshiners”?? (Hopefully, You’ll get the reference when you see it) Now that may not work for some of you, but right now on this cold Saturday morning, it’s doing wonders for me. Throw in a few scenes of:
- Drooling weirdos
- Knives being slammed into necks.
- Axes being swung violently into the backs of unsuspecting victims.
- Running through the woods
- Weird howling
- Heads being brutally smashed with rocks
- Dismembered hands
- Pick axes in shoulders
- Brutal axe chopping to the face
- The after effects of drinking and driving
and you are in for a fun 83 minutes.
Now I should say nothing here in this movie is really new. everything for the most part has been done before. “Weirdo mountain men stalk and attack pretty girls, pretty girls fight their way out,” but that doesn’t mean that you can’t sit down and enjoy it. I found this movie to be a fun ride even with the ridiculous title, it’s got a couple of fun twists and turns that I really didn’t see coming and for that I take my hat off to you Slovenia. I may not know where you are located, but I can say I am Happy with what you have given us with, “Killbillies” or the much better and original title ” Idila” Thank you for curing my hangover. Now pass me a bottle of some of that home-made liquor.