In Movies, Uncategorized by SlackjawLeave a Comment

I love fucked up movies. Movies that not just push the boundaries, but totally ignore the fact that these boundaries exist to began with. Most of the time these movies set a standard and elevate the genre to a new world of fucked-up-ness (yup, just made that up!) . Found has all the makings of to be one of these movies. Too bad it also has all the makings for a real shitty one.

Starting a movie out with a 10 year old boy holding a severed head is a kick in the nuts way to begin a movie. Marty recently discovered that his older brother Steve is a serial killer who keeps the severed heads of his victims in a bowling ball bag. Like any normal kid  Marty enjoys sneaking into his brothers room and holding these heads ( What?!? You guys weren’t into severed body parts as kid?!?). Instead of running straight to his parents and blowing the whistle on Jeffery Dahmer, he decides to keep it to himself and live his life of horror movies and self reflection. Seriously, this is a deep thinking kid. He makes Fred Savage on the Wonder Years look shallow. When not man handling body parts, young Marty spends his days drawing comic books and getting picked on by school yard bullies. It isn’t long before big brother Steve catches wind and decides to lend his little brother a hand…or head… I’m sorry, I’m better than that. Okay I’m not. Bad jokes are like crack to me and I have a problem.

Found had everything I love in horror movies: excessive gore, unique story, cuss words (yes I am a grown man that thinks swearing is cool…). Sadly it also had everything going for it that makes me hate horror movies: Shit acting, plodding scenes and awful editing.

Holy hell was the acting here terrible. Aside from Gavin Brown as Marty ( who is in just about every scene and does a great job) all the acting is terrible. It’s almost as if the horror genre made some weird pact with satan’s butthole and now horror fans have come to except this terrible acting and over look these hairless monkeys flapping there gums. I was convinced that Louie Lawless ( simply named Dad here cause, yah know, he’s the dad….) was the directors dentist and the only way Schirmer could pay for a root canal he desperately needed was by putting him in this movie…. Damn Obamacare! Sadly this was not the case. Louie Lawless is indeed an actor with several credits under his belt. Satan’s butthole must be working over time.

Besides the crap acting Found featured a ton of scenes that felt like they were added on to do nothing but run out the clock. After the showing of this movie ( which happened at’s anniversary party!) my cohort and life partner Jake turned to me and asked: “How fucking long was that movie? My ass feels like a pin cushion!”. While the movie clocks in well under 2 hours, these scenes do nothing but drag the movie out to (as Jake put it) an ass-numbing crawl. Not that I don’t enjoy a good slow burn. Hell, they happen to be my favorites, but these “extra” scene in no pay off or add to the movie.

The SFX here are grotesque and brutal. Without a doubt the high light of the film. At certain parts I would catch myself cringing or turning away from the screen. The only complaint I have about them is the SFX are only showcased once and even then it’s done via a horror film young Marty is watching. While I understand this plot device and have seen it work before I can’t help but feel this scene had nothing more to do with the film other then to show some gross shit. Trust me it is gross but really feels forced.

I’ll give Schrimer credit he decided to go balls out for his debut film. He was swinging for the fences it just fell short. Too bad because this easily could have been a classic. That said I think Schrimer shows a lot of potential and Iam intrigued to see what else he has to offer.

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