Ah, Valentine’s Day. That time of year when love is in the air, Cupid is flittering about with his quiver of arrows, and people in general are swept up in the Hallmark™ hysteria involving candy, flowers, jewelry, and a whole lotta ‘bow-chicka-bow-wow’.
I’m not here to talk about that kinda love. I’m here to shed some light on that lesser known side of Valentine’s Day – obsession, stalking, jealousy, possible illegal couplings, and death. Yep, I mean Love Gone Wrong.
I’ve come up with a list of ten flicks that capture these elements in all their dark and twisted glory. Because what screams Valentines louder than the giant screen image of a loved-crazed psycho screeching like a banshee while she attacks the object of her psychotic affection with a huge butcher knife?
The mother of all illicit affairs movies. Not the first but you can’t deny it’s power, especially when Glenn Close starts to go Darkside on Michael Douglas. That poor widdle bunny…
Play Misty for Me
It’s sad when people mistake celebrities for personal friends. It’s even worse when they stalk, harass, mutilate, and generally destroy anything that gets in the way of that imagined relationship.
“I did it because I LOVE YOU!”
Now I know how giant of a wreck my life would be if anything happened to my husband. But I’m not sure burying him in an ancient Indian burial ground that has gone sour over the decades and to which I’ve been REPEATEDLY warned off would really improve my situation. At all.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could keep the ones we love tucked away for safe keeping, say in a box after cutting off their arms and legs so they can’t escape? Don’t look at me like the thought never crossed your mind before, hypocrite.
“You can’t be afraid. Take her. Take her.”
Star Wars III
Though it seemed their love was fated to be, Padme just couldn’t get past Anakin being an angsty little whiner who hitched himself to the Darkside’s wagon after slaughtering a bunch of kiddie Jedis. She then commits suicide by just not caring about living anymore. Bitches, man.
Puppy love turns into a Cujo-esque obsession for a young girl who’s rejected by the adult object of her affection leading to an unending cycle of psychosis. How you feeling about the school girl fantasy now, fellas?
“Ever do a virgin? I know you want to.”
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
It’s based on a G-rated water ride at Disney. But when your love of a sea goddess is rejected thereby turning you into a squid monster because you won’t do your job of ferrying spirits to the underworld and you end up dead at the bottom of a whirlpool, well, that just sucks.
Sleeping with the Enemy
We all make mistakes. Laura’s was marrying an obsessive abusive psychopath who would do anything to keep her. Even faking her own death couldn’t shake him off her trail.
“I can’t live without you. And I won’t let you live without me.”
The Grudge (2002)
What happens when a jealous husband mistakenly believes his wife cheated on him and that their son is actually the offspring of another man? He kills them both then himself so their spirits can haunt the living and cause the same mayhem and death over and over and over and over and over. Obvi.
So what have we learned from my little list? Assume the worst, develop your stalking skills, pander to your paranoia, sharpen those cutting implements, and plot plot plot. If ever in doubt, destroy anyone who gets in your way, even if they are who you desire most. You always hurt the ones you love, right?