Interview: Archie McPhee’s Unicorn

In Random Rants by Beyond The Geek1 Comment

Duff here…

There are some interviews that every journalist over the course of his or her career pines over. The President, The President’s Mistress, The Pope, A-List Celebrities, anyone’s that’s been through down a well (very popular), etc…More or less anyone Barbara Walters talks too honestly.

(And yes, we consider yourselves journalists here at SJP, very loosely, maybe not in the same boat but we’re in the same ocean).

This interview is defiantly the highlight of my brief career. I mean, if you would’ve told me, I was going to interview one of the most beautiful mythical creatures in the known and unknown universe, I would’ve told you dropping LCD is a poor waste of time. Read a book, draw a picture.

Anyways, here I am though…talking to a Unicorn, over email, seems a bit odd, not sure how he types…maybe it’s talk to text thing…not important.

Enjoy! And seriously drugs are bad. Keith Richards may technically be “alive” but…c’mon.

Duff: Unicorns, handicorns are quite rare…how many are there in the world?

Unicorn: There are as many of us as there should be and we’re there when you need us. Magic isn’t really quantifiable!

Duff: You’re available to be adopted at—what are you looking for in an owner?

Unicorn: We prefer owners that stick to the Unicorn Code:

1. Unicorns never cheat.
2. Unicorns always lend a helping hand.
3. Unicorns don’t talk to strangers.
4. Unicorns respect the Earth.
5. Unicorns are never late.
6. Unicorns aren’t conceited.
7. Unicorns don’t judge people.
8. Unicorns always give 100%.
9. Unicorns only use their horns if they have to.

Duff: Take us through your day-routines or hobbies–any rituals?

Unicorn: Well, unicorns don’t sleep, so we find the whole idea of days a little hard to grasp. We do enjoy the human concept of “brunch” and attend as many as we can. Otherwise, we meditate as often as we can. Concentrating on magical thoughts refills our glitter glands, which also gives us the ability to prance gracefully. Then, we strive to better the world as much as we can. When we are done, we like to unwind with an hour of Seinfeld reruns.

Duff: Recently you announced a “Handicorns Across America” charity event–how is the planning going, any further details you can share?

Unicorn: All we know is that it will change lives! Unicorns aren’t good at logistics, so we’re hoping we can get a few gnomes to do the organization part.

Duff: Last question, when you look in the mirror each morning-who do you see and what are the hopes and dreams of that unicorn?

Unicorn: I am me. I am magic. I am the future. I am majestically posing on a mountain top. Come with me. It’s beautiful up here.

To Adopt A Unicorn Please Visit:

Thank you to the wonderful Archie McPhee for making this possible!

About Archie McPhee:

Archie McPhee has been supplying gifts and toys to Seattle since 1983. Located in Seattle’s Wallingford neighborhood, it’s a one stop shop for party supplies, crafts, costumes, miniatures and the weirdest collection of toys and candy that you’ve ever seen.
Widely considered to be a Mecca for connoisseurs of the strange and one of Seattle’s top ten weird destinations, it is truly an attraction without a parallel.

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