You wanted the best, you got the best! KISS is back in this Dynamite Comics book, KISS, Volume 1 #10. The Detroit rock city ragtag crew throw on their makeup and get to rockin’, or really fighting evil to save Earth. Kinda. I think?
This extremely visual heavy book starts out with an origin story of young KISS. According to the book, KISS is from space. Oops! Spoiler alert! If you are familiar with the band, you pretty much already know that. I mean, have you seen their outfits? Back to the story, KISS is from outer space, on a big ass spaceship and we are about to meet the man who destroyed the world and created an alternate world. They open a vault and it’s empty except for a hologram of the ‘creator’. He starts narrating his story. Hang with me here. We are about to get all KISS-ed out, right?
It all starts in Iowa in 1800s. Yeah, we are going that far back, but not for long. The creator’s family starts a town with his musician Dad. We then flash a ton of years forward to a shot of Gene Simmons coming into a rock hall where the creator meets a chick who loves KISS. Lets all just hope that the ‘creator’ got to this lady before Gene, otherwise it would be a totally different story. Anyway, they bond over their love of KISS. The creator drives this KISS loving chick away somehow. He realizes that he lost the love of his life and gets investigators to try to find her.
We then flash really far head into the future where the creator evacuated his whole town in Iowa via spaceship before horrible famine and riots hit the town. I know, it’s hard to follow this whole craziness. Just keep going, I hope we will get more ‘Detroit Rock City’ and less ‘Beth’. The story jumps back into the spaceship with the children, and they must leave the spaceship because it is now found out that they are the children of the creator. Yeah, I have no idea why either. If that wasn’t odd enough, two big ass robots come out of nowhere and grab the children to take them off the ship.
Okay. Cool. Now we are on the children’s ship, Blackwell. They are trying to figure out how to get back to Earth with a ship that is set to self-destruct in 24-48 hours. And now the book switches back to the other ship with the creator, and an argument breaks out on how it was a bad choice to kick off the children from the ship. Enter some other characters who, we are told, are Japanese. I have no idea what in the hell is going on and I am just as confused as you are at this point. Basically, what this all boils down is that the creator, this ship, and the Blackwell are all connected and should be helping each other out and not kicking each other off of ships.
The Japanese characters take a ship over to the Blackwell to tell the children to evacuate and come back to the original ship, Obayashi. There’s an evacuation from one ship to another that is kinda glossed over, until we see that the children want to take their rockin’ instruments on board the Obayashi. The captain of the Obayashi, the same guy who kicked them off, tells them they cannot bring their instruments. The children freak out and tell the captain that it’s important to bring an axe-like bass back with them because it’s their culture. The captain hands them space suits and wishes them luck to get back on the Obayashi. We are then treated to a KISS song while explosions kick off while the children save the instruments and make it back to ship unscathed. Flash way forward to the children. The children make it back to Earth on the Obayashi with a bunch of others to shred some sweet guitar licks with some Japanese gals. And that’s the end.
I have no idea what just happened. I thought I knew the story of KISS, or at least what the 70s rockers have performed for us, but I really have no clue what just happened. I feel confused and a tad bit angry at Gene Simmons for some reason. I have no idea why, but I am. If you see this book in your local comic book store, don’t make the same mistake I did and yell, “KISS! YEAH!” and grab it while you fist pump in the air. You will be pretty disappointed in this story and might even rip down your KISS poster in your garage.