Child’s Play Franchise Review – Part Two

And now the continuing stooooory of a quack who’s gone to the dogs…oh wait. Wrong show.

In my pursuit of reviewing the entire CP franchise, I have watched (more like choked down) parts three and four of the Chuckster’s story. Color me surprised by how much I enjoyed one of the flicks in this portion. Read on to see which one!

CP3

Child’s Play 3 (1991) picks up eight years after the last film. The Play Pals toy company is reopening its abandoned factory. Chucky’s plastic and bleeding corpse drips over a vat of boiling product that spews out a whole new line of dolls. As the opening credits end, Chucky screams out his frustrations (at still being stuck in a doll or at having to do another shitty movie is open to interpretation at this point).

After garroting the Play Pals toy company CEO with a yoyo, Chucky searches for and finds Andy, now a teenager in Kent Military School. But when he arrives, Chucky finds a new body he wants to inhabit – that of Tyler, a very young and innocent boy who has no problem bonding with Chucky and overlooking his cussing and violent tendencies.

Eventually Andy realizes that Chucky has returned and is ready to kill Tyler. With help from fellow cadet and gal pal, DeSilva, Andy fights the psychotic killer and destroys him for good. AGAIN.

CP3factory

Am I the only one who sees giant dildos on that conveyor belt?

Damn, this movie sucked. Not surprised as the second film was pretty terrible, too. I’m at a loss at this point as to why Chucky keeps trying to house his soul in another body. Isn’t it already too late? Or do the writers get past that persnickety point by implying each movie involves a NEW Good Guy doll so Charles can keep trying? I think I should stop attempting to figure that part out.

The dialogue is getting so damn corny now. “Don’t fuck with the Chuck”. *eye roll* Everyone is a complete caricature in this movie. I didn’t care if any of them lived, especially that annoying little fuck, Tyler. And did they seriously pull out the ‘this is my rifle, this is my gun’ routine from Full Metal Jacket? Are you fucking kidding me?

CP3FU

Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel, dude.

I did enjoy the Achilles tendon slashing; the Colonel being scared to death by Chucky earned a giggle; and I did laugh at Chucky musing over the need to get out of the doll when peeping on Andy and DeSilva making out. The ‘final’ death of Chucky in the giant industrial fan was epic, complete with explosions.

The lack of originality, good writing, decent dialogue, acting talent, and all over uninspired feel of the entire movie makes me want to toss this one in that giant fan right behind Chucky but it’d probably just come back from the dead, too. Again.

1.5 hatchets

CP4

Bride of Chucky (1998) comes to us seven years after Child’s Play 3 was vomited out. But it’s officially described as a “comedy” now so we’ve got that going for us. 

Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly) is a death loving sociopath that cons a cop into stealing the remains of Chucky’s face from an evidence repository. She builds a new body out of spare doll parts (don’t pretend you don’t have that kind of shit laying around, people) for Chucky and uses her Voodoo for Dummies book to resurrect Charles Lee Ray.

Why, oh why, would anyone do something like this on purpose? Turns out she’s the ex-squeeze of Charles and she brought him back because she’s under the delusion that before he was killed, Charles was going to propose. As he laughs his tiny plastic butt off in response, her anger gets the better of her and she locks him up in a play pen, treating him like a baby and purchasing a bride doll to mock him.

CP4Tiff

Math is hard.

Don’t worry, gentle reader. He won’t stay there for long. When he finally escapes, he kills Tiffany in quite the dramatic fashion and puts her soul into the other doll. Now they are both trapped and must find new bodies to take over. 

That’s where Jade and Jesse come in. She’s a beautiful young girl who’s in love with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. At least, that’s what her Uncle, the Chief of Police, believes. He does everything he can to keep them apart until they decide to run away and get married. 

Jesse is also Tiffany’s neighbor in the trailer park so she calls him one night to ask him the favor of transporting two very special dolls to New Jersey. You see, Charles needs to dig up his corpse to get the Amulet of Ambala, which makes it possible to transfer their souls OUT of the dolls. And guess which humans Tiff and Charles plan to use?

CP4couple

The couple that slays together while trapped in children’s toys stays together.

Madness and mayhem ensue. People die spectacularly. And when it’s all said and done? Tiffany, in doll form mind you, gives birth.

*MIND* *BLOWN*

I went into this movie absolutely dreading it. The series had been steadily declining in entertainment value, not to mention originality and decent writing, since #2. What a surprise it was for me that I throughly enjoyed it. It’s very tongue in cheek and doesn’t take itself too seriously. There’s even a point where the movie pokes fun at itself. “It’s a long story – yeah, if this were a movie, it’d need three or four sequels to do it justice.”

Some of you may be thinking, “Shit, all they did was add in a girl doll. That’s lame.” And I would agree with you if I didn’t enjoy Tiffany so much. Her character was fun and psychotic but she was just as much a girl in love with love as many of the rest of us. I actually felt sorry for her at several points. For fuck’s sake, I CRIED for her near the end!

The deaths were pretty epic, too. Nails to the face; truck smash; ceiling mirror-fu. The Chucky doll itself looks a little more terrifying than the last films because of his Frankenstein’s monster assemblage and the animatronics are much better, a bit more life-like. Chucky dies rather timidly, though, compared to the other kills but he exclaims, “I’ll be back! I always come back!” Yet another elbow jab to the ribs of the viewer. *wink*

Did I mention there’s doll sex in this flick? Yeah.

This movie isn’t a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but it is a fun and entertaining ride.

3.5 Hatchets

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